Dedicated to Jackie

Mom had three dogs when she was really young ( i mean real young like at the age of 10ish) and mommy has always wanted to have dog in our family but daddy can't stand the mess and trouble. So my siblings and i have never spent much time with doggie.

When i was young (and once again i mean really young..like 10ish.. haha), i was really scared of dogs. That was mainly because of the way they jump onto u and also the fact that i could not understand what they were thinking. I was afraid of getting bitten and also I din really like the way they lick people. So unless it was a cute tiny harmless puppy, i would normally walked away from a dog and i always did it in a very obvious manner. And yes, just in case u r wondering, i was the kind of girl that screams when a dog comes close to her.

These few days/weeks, my roomie and I have taken up the responsibility to take care of Jackie (a friend's puppy) So while pris is away for her trip, I have to take care of poor jackie. I still gotta admit that I was really scared of her at first. She seemed so uncontrollably aggressive to me and I dreaded the time I visited her in her apartment and did not feel happy at all when i had to clean up her shit and mess.

As time goes by, Jackie is not as annoying as she seemed to be. She is just a kid asking for attention and some time to have fun. I began to understand the signs she gives, the message she tries to deliver through her eyes and how smart she actually is. Brought her out on sat to Venus Bay and that was the first time she got out of her place for about 2 weeks. She was so hard to control at first but after some time and some training, she was still manageable. She simply loved the walk by the beach and the attention of me and my friends. I could feel the joy within her and I was really glad that she had so much fun. I enjoyed bringing her out, watching her emotion/action. It was impossible and not right to control her to act in the way we would want her to, but she can be quite an angel and understand what we would like her to do sometimes. I may not be good at explaining what I love about her, well actually i may not know exactly why I love her too, but anyway she is just simply adorable.

She likes the way we pat her head and body, she likes running around the apartment at 110km/h, she likes to play with u, she likes to jump to reach ur hand, she likes to go out for a walk and meet her doggie frens, she likes to play with her food, she poos everywhere and sniffs at her own shit, she loves attention, she loves to eat food off ur palm, she loves to lick u on ur neck and back, she loves jumping around and on the couch........

all in all, i am beginning to love her. I don't mind visiting her and making her happy. I would buy stuff for her and I can't bear to leave her everyday. Hope that she can grow up happily with love from her owners. And please people, no matter how cute pets can be, don't have them if u can't take care of them or truly love them. They are just like children. U need to teach them, love them, take care of them, spend ur life with them and most importantly be RESPONSIBLE for them.

I finished my master!

wait?

wait? go? stop?

how long must i wait?

what will happen if i wait? would it be different if i don't?

am i just waiting for nothing?

what if i lose the patience of waiting?

Cute friend

ckcw5 was heading down to city once while her roomie had to stay home to study. so...

ckcw5: "do u need me to get anything?

Roomie:" yes please. Get your yourself happiness"

gosh!

1. i can't believe how childish people can get

2. i don't freaking talk to people who insult me

3. no matter how angry u get, if i don't care, i seriously mean i can't be bothered, so drop it. no matter how u scold, insult or spread rumours about me... once again.. I DON'T FREAKING CARE!

4. u do not call people "dog"

5. who r u to lecture me the way my parents DON'T do.

darlings are coming

Darlings are coming and i can't hide a single bit of my excitement

she is tired

Been watching a singing competition and keep hearing the judges telling the contestants to "sing with your heart", "feel with your heart"...

And yes, i do agree that committing emotions/true feelings into the thing u do makes a big difference to the outcome.

But my heart is tired. "she" never stops working. Pumping blood all the blood, "she" still needs to make me feel. The love, the anger, the sorrow, the disappointment, the thrill........

in chinese we say, 用心去做."do it with your heart". Feel with your heart, love with your heart, strive with your heart........... How straining is it for "the heart"

and yes, "she" is tired now.. but can "she" take a break?...

What exams are..

Exams = studying intensively for 3 weeks

Exams = brain workout

Exams = sleepless nights

Exams = 200 heart beats/min

Exams = as tiring as training for one whole year

Exams= 500km marathon

Exams= time-flies no more

Exams = "i forget what i study right when i hand in my paper"

Exams= "how i wish i am a genius"

Exams= "i regret playing too much"

Exams= "i miss mommy"

Exams= "why do i need to know all these"

Exams = "do not disturb- no matter what- I will kill u"

Exams= "i hate the superficial, academic-centric world"

to sum up... Exams = I hate you!

..

Professionalism

Used vs Loved

Got this email from a friend and think that it's really meaningful. Reminds me of the simple life principle that i forgot.

USED vs LOVED

While a man was polishing his new car,

his 4 yr old son picked up a stone

and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand

and hit it many times not realizing

he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers

due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....

with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'

The man was so hurt and speechless;

he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions......

sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;

the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits;

choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely

life & remember this:

Things are to be used and people are to be loved.

The problem in today's world is

that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:

Things are to be used,

People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character;

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Unbelievably happy

Quantity or Quality?

Been shopping a lot lately. Or should i say have never stopped shopping since the day i was born. LOL. I m sure everyone especially girls go through a phase in their shopping "endeavour" when they decide whether to get something really expensive with good quality or go for a number of the same thing of lower prices and quality. I guess in general for men, quality comes first. While for us ladies, the style comes first. But again it also depends on the kind of item and individual.

Similarly, in this world, there are people with many many friends/ acquaintances in their social circle while some have just a few real good friends. What do you prefer if you have a choice? And also, who are you to your friends? Are you the quality friend or just one of them that makes up the number?

Recently met a friend who totally just want as many pals as possible without considering the depth of relationship he may have with them. Maybe to him, networking is the essence of his life and thats y he tries to get as many friends as possible. Meet you, get your contact and keep in touch once in a while. Or rather come to you when you can provide some kinda value to his life. Honestly, i think it wouldnt hurt to know a person like this in my life. I get no harm by knowing one more person. But I don't think I will be able to build quality friendship with such person.

So i guess.. it's good to have many friends. But one should always have a few true sincere friends around and they are the ones who will be there for you most of the time.

Got the chance to talk/chat with some friends over the past few days. I must say.. i really enjoy talking to them. It may be about funny experiences in their life or sharing thoughts on similar issue. No matter what the topic is, I just enjoy talking to friends and i mean true friends. There are times when we can just joke around and mean nothing at all. But there should be times when we share what we think and feel. Knowing that a friend will share his/her thoughts and experiences with me, I simply just feel honored to be able to share the moment with them, understand each other more and build more common topic/experiences. The essence of friendship is just that simple yet difficult to achieve.

So what kind of friend are you to the ones you care? What kind of friends do you prefer? Can we be good friend to all our friends??? These questions may seem superficial but hey look around, isnt’t the world superficially complicated?

Go away bullies

A few years back, a fren of mine used to bully me a lot to the extent where i went to my best frens and boyfren (at that time) with tonnes of grudges and litres of tears. I hid my feelings and stayed strong till I entered the space i belong.

The same experience when i got slapped by a boy on the bus when i was just 7. I did not cry and did not seek for any help from others until I got down from the bus and ran to my mom who was waiting for me outside my place. Went right into mom's arms and burst into tears. After knowing the story from the little me who was trying to catch her breathe from all the crying, mom did bring me to confront the boy. I pulled her back and i had no idea why. He bullied me, slapped me, insulted me for no reason but yet i refused to confront him. I let it go. And i guess the oni reason i can give now is just i simply hate confrontation.

No matter how old u get, u still get bullied in many ways. Some will confront the bullies while some will not. I want to confront them but yet i don't. Bcos i suck at confrontation and i would still end up tearing or get more misunderstood.

That ain mean i can stand bullies. I hate them. To the core. I hate them not for bullying me, but for not knowing that they are ruining my life.

I don;t want to see them or face them. If i have a choice, i dont even want to know them. They strike, hurt u, walk away and leave u the mess. Subsequently, the people around u get affected.

I miss the familiar space i belong. I miss the people who love me. I miss the people who truly care for me. I miss being protected. I miss having someone to take away my sorrow. I miss having someone to tell me to stay strong and not cry for people who r not even worth mentioning in my life. I want to be just like a kid who can go to anyone and cry out loud with no worries. I miss the strong me. I miss not being vulnerable. I miss ...........

Go away u *** of a B**ch. or should i say just ***ch. Don't push ur luck. There is a limit to everything.

I realise??

I think I know..... I wish that i m wrong but I am relieved to realise it.

I would be free if i am right. I would not regret even if i am wrong. Bcos i have made up my mind. and i shall set myself free from this second onward.

Helpless..

Once a friend told me: "Issues that can be solved by money are not problems." To a certain extent, I think that is true. If money can solve a problem, it will not cause you that much trouble. But of course, having enough money for every problem is impossible. Also, you may argue that money is not everything. Yes, I know. Money is not all that we need in the world, but it is definitely what we can’t live without.

I think the fundamental power that money provides us with is basically the ability to control a certain situation and also to manipulate the outcome. Just like what my friend said, if money can solve the problem, it is no big deal. So money basically allows you to control the circumstances and hence resolving the shit you are facing. In another word, I think having the ability to control whether using money or other source of ability/assets is one hell important survival need we require in this world.

I am not trying to emphasis the monetary value here. Rather, I just think that having control over something, may it be big or small, is ..well.. freaking important to me. I am sure many of us want to be able to control all that is going around us. If u have a choice, would you want to be able to control how happy you are, how much you have, what will happen to you, what friends you get, what your future will be bla bla bla. But as we realize by now, there are just so much that we cannot control.

Losing control to me is not a good feeling. It really makes me feel so so helpless. I know I want something but yet I have no power to control it in order to make it come true. It is slowly killing me now as I yearn day and night for it to happen. But it will never because I have no idea who is controlling it and more significantly, I have zero clues in influencing “the controller”. You want it but you can’t have it. You want it but you can’t get it. You want it but you can’t work towards it. You want it and you know it will not happen. That’s how I feel… and how helpless I am.

But I honestly appreciate the fact that we cannot control all parts of our life. If we can, it would be chaotic. Also, if we can, there will be no miracle, no mystery, no anticipation, no excitement, no surprise..and just no color in life.

Yes.. I am just quetching here. Gotta let it out and face the real me deep within.

*May you be able to control what you want most of the time. Even if you can’t, enjoy the journey.

Simple Life

Must we live up to everyone's else expectation on you?

Should we be who others want us to be?

Is it wrong to just yearn for a simple life that you truly want?

Why is it so freaking impossible to just wanna be SIMPLE?

Why is the world so so so perplexed?

I just want... that...u know? not this, not it, not whatever... just that.

Do not tug your plans/expectation into mine. I am me and not you!

Respect! and if you don't, please just step out of my life.

and yes, I am not a tolerant person to people who don't even respect themselves.

I don't care what you think about me bcos hey I shall control my life and not you.

- super duper extremely angry ckcw5-

*PS - there is only one "YOU" and you will never know who the person is. Do not assume that is "you", bcos if you ever suspect that i m referring to you, it's probably not you :)

Day7 sydney

Day 6 Sydney