Helpless..

Once a friend told me: "Issues that can be solved by money are not problems." To a certain extent, I think that is true. If money can solve a problem, it will not cause you that much trouble. But of course, having enough money for every problem is impossible. Also, you may argue that money is not everything. Yes, I know. Money is not all that we need in the world, but it is definitely what we can’t live without.

I think the fundamental power that money provides us with is basically the ability to control a certain situation and also to manipulate the outcome. Just like what my friend said, if money can solve the problem, it is no big deal. So money basically allows you to control the circumstances and hence resolving the shit you are facing. In another word, I think having the ability to control whether using money or other source of ability/assets is one hell important survival need we require in this world.

I am not trying to emphasis the monetary value here. Rather, I just think that having control over something, may it be big or small, is ..well.. freaking important to me. I am sure many of us want to be able to control all that is going around us. If u have a choice, would you want to be able to control how happy you are, how much you have, what will happen to you, what friends you get, what your future will be bla bla bla. But as we realize by now, there are just so much that we cannot control.

Losing control to me is not a good feeling. It really makes me feel so so helpless. I know I want something but yet I have no power to control it in order to make it come true. It is slowly killing me now as I yearn day and night for it to happen. But it will never because I have no idea who is controlling it and more significantly, I have zero clues in influencing “the controller”. You want it but you can’t have it. You want it but you can’t get it. You want it but you can’t work towards it. You want it and you know it will not happen. That’s how I feel… and how helpless I am.

But I honestly appreciate the fact that we cannot control all parts of our life. If we can, it would be chaotic. Also, if we can, there will be no miracle, no mystery, no anticipation, no excitement, no surprise..and just no color in life.

Yes.. I am just quetching here. Gotta let it out and face the real me deep within.

*May you be able to control what you want most of the time. Even if you can’t, enjoy the journey.